Lost & Confused. Help??
How did this happen?
We met in our last year of high school, knew from that moment you were the one but none of us dared to say it and we never heard from each other again for two years. It was great when we found each other again but this time we made that leap of faith and became a couple, happiest I had ever been for a while. We went thru a lot together and we fell in love. It was the realest love either one of us had ever felt. Being together made the happiest moments while being apart made the saddest ones but we stuck thru it all. Then one day came when u decided to spend more of your days with friends than with me and ignore my calls or texts so you decided it was best we ended and as much as it killed me I had to accept it, can’t keep someone that doesn’t want to stay. I remember crying like a baby and for a day I felt what depression feels like, I had no strength to get up from my bed (even getting to go to the restroom was hard) and I had completely lost my appetite. Three weeks later you were back and I decided to give us a second chance, we were good but things weren’t the same. I had built a wall up against you and finally after two years of being together I felt the need to end it for my own good. You got hurt and told me that you didn’t want me in your life anymore so I accepted that and never reached out to you. Two months later you return with an apology and I accept it cause thanks to you I knew of true love and heartaches. We start talking and going out like nothing ever changed, I see myself getting wrapped up in you again so I decide to be with someone else before I let you in once more. I meet this other guy and we start going out on dates and everything is good and finally after two months we get together but you still knew you had an open space to come in so a month later I decide to move in with this other guy and not be available to you anymore, it works! But only for a bit. Two months later your back in my life. This other guy I’m now living with has no idea I still keep I touch with you. I find myself somewhat happy and safe here but just can’t shake the feeling that I belong with you. I notice how u haven’t been able to settle with any other girl since us so I decide to ask. You start telling me how you’ve missed me and haven’t been able to see yourself with anyone else, I try to ignore everything you’ve said cause I figure you’re just saying it to say it. Christmas time comes and surprise! I’m engaged! It was a happy moment but deep inside I felt sad that it wasn’t with you but still figured it never will be you. Now four months later my mom dies, the saddest day of my life. The one person anyone will always need is now gone from my life. Then you go talk to your mom about us being together and everything and she’s ok with it cause she knew you let go of someone and something good here so you come to me and tell me to leave this other guy for you and I’m scared to admit that I actually thought about it. I did finally decide that I would leave him but not to move in with you but to be with my family. I had some of my things already packed and then I realized that I was late on that sayid the month so I had to stay and find out. Two weeks later I find out that I’m pregnant and I know how exciting and happy I should feel but I really am not cause now I feel like I’m stuck with this other guy and go thru with the marriage. It hurts to know that it took you a year to realize that you have only been able to love me and no one else, that we’re perfect for each other, cause now I really can’t choose you over him. My mom and his mom would not be happy if I left him while carrying his child to be with someone else, even if it means closing the door to my true happiness: You.
Wish you would’ve spoken up about us before :( will always love you and miss you.
